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Kids with ASD typically make less eye contact than neurotypical children and may not use their eyes to attract attention, to direct other people’s attention or to check that they have (or do not have) the attention of another person. Often the child will not look at the person they are talking to at all and may feel uneasy about the way an adult uses eye contact towards them.

Having experimented with a variety of methods for engaging eye contact, the following are some starting-point tactics that we have used successfully to engage children with ASD to make eye contact when communicating:

1. Speak with your face and eyes. Many parents with children with ASD are overjoyed that their children are speaking and so begin to let eye contact slide, but it is important for children to learn to build cues from other’s eyes and facial expressions. To help build these contacts, you can practice nodding your head for “yes” and “no” when your child asks a question – rather than verbalizing it. Or make a happy or sad face when you’re enthused or disappointed. These periodic non-verbal communications will build more “checking in” to your face for pieces of information and also build eye contact.
2. Engage the eyes. One way to help focus the child to make eye contact is to create a mental engagement. Down on the child’s level, ask “What color are my eyes?” This question will draw the child to your eyes, initially momentarily, to then ask another question or begin a conversation. If the child is talking head down/away – you can introduce the question “What color are my eyes” again to help refocus.
3. Be on their level. An adult, towering over a child, presents an imposing situation. Imagine if someone was many feet above your head speaking down at you – this can easily build discomfort and social anxiety where one would seek to avert a gaze. When speaking to a child, get down on the child’s plain of vision so that you can actually see each other eye to eye. This can also demonstrate that you are interested in what is “going on” within the child’s level.

And here’s a last tip. Pause and hold. When your child hands you something, or you give something to your child, hold his or her hand for a few seconds along with the object before releasing it; be down on his/her level when doing this. This will afford another opportunity for an eye-to-eye check in.

Take your time with these and be consistent in your practice. These tactics, like all behavioral therapies, take repeated practice to being to see results but can individually and as a group help facilitate greater face/eye contact and attentive interactions.

Brian Field is the co-founder of the Autism Support Network